Overcoming Negative Emotions

April 9, 2020

When I try to help people overcome negative emotions, I often tell them to "maintain positivity" or "look at situations objectively". This simple answer can work for people already thinking in that direction, but is not very helpful for guiding people seeking a truly different way to approach negative emotions.

Jonathan Blow (game developer - Braid - The Witness) approaches the topic in a more strategic, self-reflecting way.

Overview

Negative emotions are hard to deal with. Jonathan suggests breaking up this problem much like how engineers ting a large problem into sub-problems.

The proposed general idea is to observe these separate personal reactions to negative emotion from a distance:

• Thoughts
• Physical responses
• The specific emotions themselves

"From a distance" is the idea of decoupling the reaction from... yourself.

If this is enough to pique your curiosity, I highly recommend watching the video. There is a certain amount of reflection and personal discovery that can't be obtained from reading words on a screen.

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I recognize that the summary written below could genuinely be helpful during stressful times to recall the video content. Consider bookmarking this document.

Before proceeding, it's worth confirming for yourself whether you've watched the video or you're actively choosing not to watch the video.

Without further ado, here is my summary of the content that Jonathan prepared in the above video.

The content is mostly drawn from the video, with some amount of my interpretation to tie it together in written form. In other words, the text typed below can be seen as an abridged re-telling of the video content.

Third-person perspective

Take individual thoughts, observe them, and let them go. They are a minuscule fraction of the entirety of who you are. You are not your thoughts. You are much more than that.

Take the chair you're sitting on. Solid isn't it? Now, focus on the contact point of your body and the chair. Visualize and describe the contact point. Is it a hard line? Is it clear-cut? With the pressure presenting itself in a gradient on different parts of your body and gradually dissapating on the edges of the seat, it probably isn't so clear-cut.

Take anger as an example emotion. What is "anger" really? Anger is that driver that cut me off! It's that argument where I was obviously right! It's... fuel being put in a fire. Instead of replaying the thoughts that fuel the fire, stop. Consider what "anger" looks like without the associated thoughts. It's really not much.

Breaking the habit

There is a level of interpretation that your brain puts in place to reinforce habits or amplify reactions. It can influence you in a positive and a negative manner.

Habits are a mental shortcut. "Just do this and you'll feel better." This is the result your body expects.

Stop and think about what your body is telling you and if it's reasonable to comply with the "habit" or "override" it. I understand that the ability to freely choose can be hindered for a number of reasons. Please seek help if overcoming habits is exceptionally difficult.

In simple terms, pain is the result of a cut, a bruise, or any undesirable physical change. Your body provides you with negative reinforcement using the signals sent from the impacted nerves to your brain.

Look beyond the immediate thoughts echoing how you should be reacting. Empty your mind. Consider what pain seems like now. What pain seems like a few seconds later. It's not different. Without any difference from moment to moment, it becomes less alarming.

Of course, this idea breaks down at sufficiently large amounts of pain.

Splitting the problem

Thoughts, physical responses, and specific emotions together can form an impenetrable wall. When you can get past that layer of interpretation, you can start by putting your attention on one of the three. Then after a while, let that one go. Focus on the other one. Let that one go. One reaction at a time.

Reactions feed into each other. By isolating your attention to one particular area, you're less affected by the sum of its parts. You can break the cycle, stabilize yourself, and gain temporary relief.

You can give yourself a breath, move forward, and seek help if necessary.

Thanks for reading this far! Even if you were able to walk away with something by reading this summary, you'll walk away with much more by watching Jonathan's presentation. He does a great job stepping through his ideas and encouraging viewers to self-reflect and try some exercises.